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John and Martha


Sundays are shopping days at my house. After church, I hit Sprouts, Winco, and sometimes even Costco to stock up for the upcoming week. I usually ask my three boys to text me what they want for lunches and snacks.  Dried mangoes, yogurt, lemonade, oranges, and "those cookies with the frosting" are the usual requests.   Sunday nights I make a family dinner and dessert that all will enjoy.

I pick up my son from school each day, and sometimes we stop and Mechie's for frozen yogurt. When he gets home he plays video games for a bit before starting his homework.  Some days I drive him to Mira Mesa to practice bowling.  My boys have always had rides to friends' houses, a dad who coached their teams, loving grandparents, birthday parties, and their own beds to sleep in.

I am not saying any of this to brag or make myself look good.  Most of my friends and family members provide their children with the same. I assume most of my students also have the same. As a teacher, I know I have students who receive a free lunch and don't have an iPhone X, but until recently, I did not have a clear understanding of what some students may be going through. 

A month ago I was introduced to a fifteen-year-old boy named John and his mother, Martha(names changed for privacy).  Until a few weeks ago they were living in Martha's small sedan.  John is 6'3", so I imagine he did not get much sleep each night.  John took the bus and Sprinter each morning to school. It took him an hour and a half.  I don't imagine he had a hot breakfast or shower.  After school, he made the same trip back "home". I don't imagine he felt like doing homework. 

Eventually, they were able to secure a motel room. It has a small refrigerator with no freezer and a microwave. The room is clean but dark and depressing.  It has a view of the parking lot and is in a bad part of town. It costs $65 a night. It has one bed and a couch which much more like a love seat.  Martha gets the bed because she just had surgery for Stage 4 Pancreatic cancer. 

John had to change schools, and now his bus trip is just 40 minutes each day. Social workers and other law enforcement are involved in the situation.  John doesn't want to go to foster care and leave his mom.  He feels it is his job to take care of her.

This has made me look at my students differently. I know most of them are fortunate enough to live in a stable, loving home. However, I am sure there are a few that are in situations beyond my imagination.  Most students do not feel comfortable sharing these intimate details with their teachers. They are often embarrassed. 

As teachers, we can get frustrated with our students at times. They forget a pencil, their homework, come late, or act out.  They can get on our last nerve!  I certainly don't believe we coddle our students or let them get away with bad behavior.  However, we need to be gentle and not assume that all students woke up in a bed with breakfast in their bellies. Some are just trying to survive.

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